I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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