I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
