I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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