I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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