I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
