The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
