Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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