my sisters under your porch take her home
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
