There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
