His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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