I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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