i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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