apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
