i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
