This girl is more easily done than said...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
