once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
