my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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