i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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