thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
