I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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