He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
