So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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