she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
