the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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