Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
