I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
