theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize