You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
