You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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