I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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