Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
