I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
