I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
