i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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