so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
