He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
