I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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