You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
