There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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