I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
