K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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