I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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