he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
