sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love accidental penises.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
