Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
