I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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