yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
