I feel great
I just peed on a car
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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