It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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