do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
