The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
