if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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