i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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