I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
