and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
