I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize