I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
