In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
