I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
