your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
