I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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