she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
